@ISaidDont: I never know how much to tip a cow.
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@simoncholland: I assert dominance over millennials by responding to their texts with phone calls.
@ClichedOut: Mother Paper Bag: We need to talk. Teen Bag: *removes earbud* What? M: Your father was plastic. T: But - M: It's true. You're a mixed bag.
@StarWarsProblms: Obi-wan: It's over Anakin! I have the high ground! Anakin:*Force pushes him out of the way* Obi-wan: Damn that completely obvious solution
@iwearaonesie: 9: Why are you hitting that spider? wife: I don't like spiders me: Ooooh *grabs newspaper* mother-in-law [leaving] I don't have to take this