@StellaRtwot: I never make my guests take their shoes off at the door because it takes them longer to get out when I want them to leave.
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@DanMentos: *guy struggling to pick his teeth with a toothpick* Narrator: Don't you wish there were a better way? -commercial for business cards
@Underchilde: Bring spoiled food to work enough and your coworkers eventually stop eating anything with your name on it.
@Home_Halfway: Go to a fancy restaurant. Order the lobster. Order it alive. When it comes, order food for your new pet lobster. Then take lobster home.