@The_Mentalyst: I never understand women. One minute they love guys who play the guitar, one minute they are chasing me out of the women's restroom.
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@Brianhopecomedy: A guy that was falsely imprisoned for 10 years got free tickets to the Super Bowl. That guy is SO lucky.
@shegotagronk: Pretty cool that there's no law saying you can't name your kid Squidward if you want.
@Robert_Beau: So I harvested my tomato today, it's bound to be good considering the $43.29 I invested to plant it.
@Dis0beyJay: [at wedding] Is there any reason why these two shouldn't be wed? * me yelling * SHE THINKS WOLVERINE COULD BEAT PREDATOR *pianist vomits*