@iGreenMonk: I just wish my ex-wife could look down from Heaven and see me now. But no, she's still alive.

@Home_Halfway: JOSH: Hey dad DAD: Oh my god is your name still Josh JOSH: Um yeah DAD: We're changing it JOSH: No please don- DAD: It's done ERIC: What the

@delusionaliam: "Hey! check out my new ink" *removes shirt, stands naked* "Dude!, I don't see anything" "It's invisible ink"

@nPhelendriqal: I eat pudding with a fork, so no, crossword puzzles aren't really my 'thing'.

@briangaar: Judging by the tweets, you guys all lead really interesting lies