@jackiembouvier: [First date] Me: So, I've been married for 12 years - Him: You're married?? Me: Is that a problem?

@semple42: Don't think I won't spin around and French kiss you if you're standing too close to me in line at the liquor store.

@timdonakowski: Me: Hey, do you want to go buy some- Wife: YES!

@JenAshleyWright: Every time you get dressed remember that, if you die, that's your ghost outfit forever.

@: You gotta Snapchat, dm, and text your girl all @ the same time. That way if you piss her off in 1 convo, you still have two lives left.