@MarieColette: I often fantasize about lying naked in bed, surrounded by various bags of chips and I have octopus arms so I can eat all the chips at once.
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@canadian_makin: Me: hello I've run out of toilet paper Front desk: oh I'm sorry for the inconvenience Me: oh no worries, but I've also run out of towels
@MarkAFuqua_Hunt: Want to get your kids attention and make sure they hear what you say? Start whispering something to your spouse.
@MeemawKate: "Are you still watching?" Yes, Netflix. I didn't magically get my shit together in the last three hours.
@thejessbess: I'm no scientist, but I don't think it's possible for EVERYBODY to be kung fu fighting.