@Schmoodles: I often find myself rewording a long tweet so many times that it completely loses the original subject. This one started off about a cat.
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@TommyKarate: Forgot to open the door before applying hand lotion so now I'm stuck in my restroom forever.
@seandunn76: I don't think my accident resulted in a concussion and also I don't think my accident resulted in a concussion.
@neptunemoons: "Mom! Mom! Hold this cockroach while I grab the lizard!" --Things I honestly never imagined I'd hear as a parent