@Schmoodles: I often find myself rewording a long tweet so many times that it completely loses the original subject. This one started off about a cat.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@TheBoydP: Wife: Put the dishes away I have other things to do. Me: ok *Me loading dishwasher with wife watching entire time to ensure I do it right*
@Reverend_Scott: 911: What's your emergency? THE BARISTO IS HAVING A STROKE 911: Barista? IT'S A GUY. BARISTO 911: No, it's still- Nm he's dead now
@BoogTweets: *Rap battle* Me: *lips on mic* PLEASE STOP DROPPING THE MIC. IT WAS A BIRTHDAY PRESENT FROM MY MOM.