@markleggett: I often think "Why would anyone live in Gotham? It's a shithole!", but then you choose to live in the shithole that is [YOUR CITY NAME].
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@DaddyJew: 5: daddy can I tell you a secret? Me: sure thing buddy 5: *grabs my face and whispers* I just pooped and I didn't wash my hands
@Carbosly: Have we tried unplugging coma victims and plugging them in again? Works for my computer.
@katbento: Why hasn't a phone that charges itself just by scrolling the screen ever been invented? What are our scientists doing?
@gsu9696: Yeah, he jumped from 128,000 feet, but I fixed the shower today with a 4yo asking what i was doing 128,000 times.... Lets call it tie, ok?