@dire_beard: I once accidentally started a flash mob when I thought a spider might be on me.
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@laurenreeves: My friend showed me her new vegan pants. I know vegans can be annoying and everything, but should we really be making pants out of them?
@jordan_stratton: According to commercials, a woman's primary goal in life is to lock in moisture.
@GibJimson: You politely tap a jogger with your car one time, and suddenly you get labeled a hero.
@NurseMurderer: Backstreet Boys: Show Me the Meaning of Being Lonely. Me: *slow dances with cats around a pot of mac & cheese*