@truegritrumble: I once dated a girl so my pet rock wouldn't be embarrassed after he threw himself at her window.
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@Shock_Monster: In the time it took me to RT in Favstar I could have written the tweet in calligraphy and hand delivered it to all 7600 of my followers.
@abhorrent_wife: Thanks to Target's full length 3 way mirrors, I'm now painfully aware I look like a melting candle from the back.
@thomaswhitehead: London is like the best era of Batman at the moment. Well-orchestrated mild commuter panic and Prince stalking the streets.
@AGreaterMonster: In first grade I pretended I could talk to animals because I thought kids would like me, but then a squirrel attacked Lisa Shapiro.