@Black__Elvis: I once had a brush with Death and then a floss and a rinse; no woman wants to get intimate with a dark annihilator of souls with bad teeth.
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@bourgeoisalien: Sad that 25 years ago Homer Simpson seemed like a looser in American culture and now it's like: "Whoa...that guy has a job AND owns a home?"
@cbdoubleu: [Going through rubble after a house fire] Her [holding photo albums]: Totally ruined. Me [holding slices of bread]: Pretty much toast.