@Black__Elvis: I once had a brush with Death and then a floss and a rinse; no woman wants to get intimate with a dark annihilator of souls with bad teeth.
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@SteveSuckington: Her: Let's each pick one person we can sleep with and the other person can't get mad. Mine is Ryan Gosling. Who's yours? Me: The babysitter
@aveuaskew: Tell me I'm beautiful "You're beautiful" Tell me I'm a genius "You're a genius" Tell m- "Just give me the toilet paper, please"
@duplicitron: Someone left a really nice couch out on the street so I went home and got a lamp and TV and this is where I live now.