@Playing_Dad: I once sat down with Oprah to discuss my drug use but I was high & that might not have been Oprah because why did she need to borrow money?
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@Try2StopME: If you cry every day in your relationship.. sit down, take a deep breath & ask yourself, "Am I dating a Human or an Onion?"
@thepunningman: I wear a stethoscope so that in a medical emergency I can teach people a valuable lesson about assumptions.
@kentgrossarth: 'Pizza Hut, can I take your order?' Me: 'May I speak with the owl, please?' 'Who?' Me: 'Hahaha, that never gets old! Large pepperoni.'
@causticbob: A survey shows that 20% of men kiss their wife goodbye when they leave the house and 80% kiss their house goodbye when they leave the wife..