@Playing_Dad: I once sat down with Oprah to discuss my drug use but I was high & that might not have been Oprah because why did she need to borrow money?
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@JesssieAshley: If by drinking responsibly you mean drinking out of a plastic cup rather than a glass one then you're damn right I am.
@madcaplaughs30: If somebody stops to ask me directions, I give them directions to my house. see you in twenty minutes new best friend.
@rockymomax: [dinner] DAD: let's roast this bird ME: (to bird) the only time you ever got laid was the day you were born DAD: haha nice