@Donna_McCoy: I only do cardio because it's impossible to stalk someone you can't keep up with.
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@DumbConfessions: Jesus: "Is it time for the second coming yet dad?" God: "I'll just give Kanye the Holy Spirit. Already thinks he's me." Both: "LOLOLOLOL"
@wendyraepearce: I just caught my husband smiling in his sleep. He's going to pay for that later.
@TheBoydP: Headline: World helium shortage over due to discovery of helium field. Scientist: (high voice) This new supply of helium is a game-changer