@NicestHippo: I only eat in two situations: when I'm hungry and when I'm not hungry
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@XplodingUnicorn: [reading Harry Potter] Me: Do you know what's going on? 3-year-old: He went to lizard school. I'd correct her, but her version is better.
@Tommytoughstuff: "Come on man! I'm sure your superpower is cool! Show me! "Ok" *stares at two glasses of soda* the diet is on the right." "Wow um..neat..."
@ninetek: I bet the guy who invented falling asleep was totally like "Oh no! I died! Hey, wait a minute..."
@murrman5: what's on your back? "a katana" what? "it's a japanese sword used...you know what *takes back résumé* I don't think I wanna work here"