@NicestHippo: I only eat in two situations: when I'm hungry and when I'm not hungry
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@lilgapeach30: Siri just said I'm looking for love in all the wrong places so I'm tryin to figure out what happened to Siri and how my mom got in my phone.
@salamingia: My wife said I'm picky. I said obviously not picky enough. Anyone need a roommate tonight?
@weinerdog4life: How do I stay in shape? I stole an ostrich, it chases me around the house all day, i hate it