@ScreaminZeman: I only ever learned a couple karate moves, so you could say I know partial arts.
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@TheWadest: Chicks love guys with tattoos cuz it means they're willing to commit to something stupid for the rest of their lives...
@davidschneider: I hope God rethinks his decision to allow an intern to run celebrity deaths in 2016.
@cheeky__gal: After decorating the house, I spilled cheap vodka on some glitter and dirt I was sweeping up. Now, my house looks like Ke$ha.
@DrunksWithGuns: If you blast Foreigner's "I Want To Know What Love Is", the naked old guys in the gym locker room cover up pretty damn quick.