@ScreaminZeman: I only ever learned a couple karate moves, so you could say I know partial arts.
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@baconacid: "weed is a gateway drug" "to what? the fridge? Hahaha" *loses car, house, wife, and job because of fridge addiction*
@Marlebean: Me: Ok kids, vacation time!! Kids: Yay! M: See you in a week! *slams door* Kids: ...
@shaztaberry: Daughter: dad Im a lesbian Dad: Okay its cool 2nd daughter: dad I'm a lesbian too Dad: Does ANYone in this family like guys? Son: I do
@LoveMyScionFRS: My company has a nicotine like addiction to conference calls.
@omgthatspunny: A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was ticketed for littering.
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