@ScreaminZeman: I only ever learned a couple karate moves, so you could say I know partial arts.
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@kendragaylord: [Whole Foods] Woman: MY COCONUT WATER BROKE! *I drive her to the hospital and she names her first coconut after me*
@Jake_Vig: I saw a woman really screaming at her kids in public this morning, but in her defense, the kids were ugly.
@Tmoney68: Research shows vacuum cleaners can cause hearing loss. "You should absolutely get rid of that monster," said one furry, panting scientist.