@texasstalkermom: I only have Facebook to keep track of where everyone I know is going to be, so I don't show up there.
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@LoveNLunchmeat: If a tiger goes to bite you, confuse him by french kissing him. You'll probably still die, but at least you got to make out w/ a tiger.
@kelownagoose: If you have your underwear on over top of your pants, I'll let you in line in front of me at the pharmacy.
@offsidebastard: The girl across from me is on the phone to her boyfriend. I regret nodding when she told him she looked terrible.
@lisaxy424: boss: WORKING HARD OR HARDLY WORKING? me: HAHAHA [later] cw: WORKING HARD OR HARDLY WORKING? me: literally never talk to me gary