@texasstalkermom: I only have Facebook to keep track of where everyone I know is going to be, so I don't show up there.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@DaddyJew: *slowly raises hand 20 minutes into an important office meeting* so there are no donuts?
@djdarrellripley: Now, if you all will excuse me I'm going into my closet and I'm not coming out until I find something with an elastic waist...
@BoogTweets: Me: *Buys nutribullet* will this baby take down a vegan? Cashier: No, it's not an actual bu… Me: *loads nutrigun* Cashier: What the heck?