@texasstalkermom: I only have Facebook to keep track of where everyone I know is going to be, so I don't show up there.
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@3sunzzz: [God creating penguins] I want a bird that doesn't fly but loves to swim, and make sure you dress it classy AF.
@MomofTeen: It's been six years since my job interview. I'm beginning to suspect they chose someone else.
@PleaseBeGneiss: SANTA: *sees presents under Christmas tree already* what the? someone beat me to it [a light glows in the corner] ALEXA: what’s the matter, old sprite, not in your... prime?
@heidi420x: Playing dead in the supermarket to avoid having a conversation with someone you know attracts more attention than I anticipated...go figure.