@texasstalkermom: I only have Facebook to keep track of where everyone I know is going to be, so I don't show up there.
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@causticbob: A police man came up to me with a sniffer dog and said, "This dog tells me you're on drugs." "I'm on drugs? You're the one talking to dogs"
@allthatisbecca: I knew I was in trouble when the lady doing my nails shouted "WHO DO YOUR EYEBROW?!"
@drewtoothpaste: Get a big metal box, label it "TIME CAPSULE" and take a big dump in it so people know what 2011 was like.