@Dawn_M_: I only use shampoo that smells like raspberries so people don't think it's weird when I have jam in my hair.
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@causticbob: I was 14, my dad caught me drinking. 'Dad, that's the first time' 'That's a lie, no one ever gets caught the first time.' So I robbed a bank
@DanMentos: [first date] me: they know me here date: *reading sign on wall* "No Puppetry"? me (proudly): I'm the reason they have that
@Cheeseboy22: Sure I could get off the couch & put new batteries in this remote but instead I am going to hold it high above my head & at different angles
@SuperDuperDook: The last 60+ Miss Universe pageant winners have been from earth I don't know man, seems fixed.