@LizHackett: I overheard a dad at Starbucks tell a kid not to tell Mom he got a cake pop for breakfast, so I guess I'm part of their web of lies now too.
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@AnOrangeSNES: Dear Abby, I never thought this would happen to me. Today I met a sexy woman who told me I write letters to the wrong publication.
@tastefactory: COP: do you know why I pulled you over? COP'S WIFE: *now next to him on the couch* Because you're scared of the movie COP: Yes it's too real
@eddiesteadyno: A fondue party... But instead of bread, it's more cheese. And instead of people, it's even more cheese.