@RevReee: I paid My 11 old $10 to do the dishes, so on her way to the bathroom I mugged her...because, you know, life lesson.
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@Playing_Dad: [God, wasted, creating humans] Angel: How do they cool themselves off? God: *takes a drink* Salt water comes out of them. Angel: How...Ok.
@jonnysun: *stares at phone* why cant i sleep *puts phone face-up on bed, the screen brigtness bathes my room in a light mor powerfubl than the sun* oh
@matt_simpson84: That scene from Jurassic Park where the T-Rex is breathing heavily up against the jeep glass, except its me at the hotdog display in 7/11