@RuinMyWeek: I photoshopped myself into a photo booth strip a coworker had on her desk and replaced it. And now we wait...
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@SteveSuckington: "Sorry my phone died" -something I've said 5,326 times but it's never actually happened
@AndyRichter: Man, those guys in the Cialis commercial sure are charmed by their wives' approximations of human behavior
@johnfreiler: my friend's apartment building burned down so he's at his parents' and he still won't hang out with me. HOW MANY MORE FIRES DO I NEED TO SET