@TheTweetOfGod: I planted all the evidence for evolution once it became clear it did not serve the best interest of My reputation to take credit for you.
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@Book_Krazy: Hub: Still mad? Me: Jack & Jill went up the hill H: To fetch a pail of water M: Jack fell down & died a violent death Hub: Ok, still mad
@Ms_Shazam: "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go." - Me to my children.
@PaperWash: What's that, turkey? GOBBLE GOBBLE Timmy fell in a well? GOBBLE GOBBLE [breaks turkey's neck] no time for your riddles, in the oven you go