@RealSugarFree: I play a drinking game where i drink everytime i get an answer right on Jeopardy. Its a good way to stay sober.
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@pseudo_fred: This drag race is not at all what I expected. Are they in dresses INSIDE of the cars, at least?
@briangaar: Divorce is when you tell someone: Hey I know you better than anyone else on Earth and I'm gonna take a pass
@internetluke: [at dinner party] Me: Excuse me, a bit of an announcement.. Jenny and I are expecting a kid. She is 4 months pregnant. Vegan: I'm vegan
@platinum2000: [Confessional Booth] Me: I can't do anything right. Priest: Please get off of my lap.