@RealSugarFree: I play a drinking game where i drink everytime i get an answer right on Jeopardy. Its a good way to stay sober.
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@shkeeber: Him: I'm tolerant of the gay lifestyle. A neighbor of mine was gay. Me: Thanks. I'm tolerant of yours too. A neighbor of mine was an idiot.
@mishakey: How come when my kid wants to show me something, she has to place it directly inside my cornea?
@70Ceeks: son is fuming bc his sister is staying home from school AGAIN. he just opened her door and said "and here's the liar in her natural habitat"