@TravLeBlanc: I predict that Obama's next move is to threaten to hold his breath until Russia leaves the Crimea.
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@RidiculousSheri: I have two boyfriends! Well, I'm dating two men Okay. Ben and I are just friends Same with Jerry Fine. I have ice cream. But it's love.
@liv_thatsme: *calling my sister while leaving the salon in tears* Sister: What happened? Did they ruin your hair? Me (between sobs): No, my hair looks great, but my stylist talked to me the ENTIRE TIME
@Reverend_Scott: Mistakes married women make: 1. Assuming he heard you. 2. Assuming he understood you. 3. Assuming he'll remember. 4. Marrying a man.
@Sassafrantz: *rises out of neighbor's hot tub* I'd like to talk to you guys about home alarm systems...