@TravLeBlanc: I predict that Obama's next move is to threaten to hold his breath until Russia leaves the Crimea.
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@Mr_Kapowski: 90% of women that wear yoga pants probably don't do yoga. 100% of straight men don't care.
@ericsshadow: If your wife is a school crossing guard, you're missing a huge opportunity if you don't tell people she's into human trafficking.
@NerishaLakha: Every morning, I jog around my block 15 times. Then I pick the block up and put it back with the rest of it's little Lego friends.
@iAmDelFreaky: I didn't think a McDonald's Happy Meal would fill me up, but it did... OMG, I ATE THE TOY!