@TravLeBlanc: I predict that Obama's next move is to threaten to hold his breath until Russia leaves the Crimea.
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@upsidedowntrash: Friend: Do you know karate? Me: [wanting to sound cool but not overly cocky] I've heard of him.
@mostlydelirious: Phone just autocorrected "your" to "yore" in case thou wouldst think I'm smarter than thee.
@Chumpstring: Just saw my Nana for what will probably be the last time. She’s very healthy but never wants to see me again.
@eedrk: "living well is the best revenge". yeah but obviously im not gonna do that. whats the second best. cutting their brakes, right