@TravLeBlanc: I predict that Obama's next move is to threaten to hold his breath until Russia leaves the Crimea.
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@BareChesty: You know your driving really sucks when your GPS says "After 300 yards, stop and let me out"
@Tmoney68: They say there's no such thing as a free lunch, but I'm at Applebee's & have a dead mouse in my pocket that says otherwise.
@stockejock: My mom's favorite part of Mother's Day is describing my birth in detail to an 18 year old waitress who is just there to get our drink order.