@Jacob_Swift16: I put a life-size alien doll in my passenger seat for halloween and I've caught myself talking to it 3 times
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@GriffonTaylonYo: Soldier: WE NEED MORE AMMO QUICK! Me: [sweating bullets] um will these work Soldier: [amazed] you son of a gun
@notacroc: DOCTOR: congratulations, it's a boy! *holds up baby tricycle* BICYCLE DAD: what the hell? BICYCLE MOM: *crying*
@1_swarthy_dude: Home Depot law decrees that if two dads are pushing carts down the same isle, the dad with the greater mustache has the right of way.
@s_cLaN07: My mother is the strongest woman I know. You should see how far she could throw a shoe.