@sarcasticmommy4: I put my symptoms into WebMD & it turns out I just have kids.
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@ruinedpicnic: "I want you back in my arms..." - me, drowsily, to the bag of blood hanging beside the donation bed
@UncleDuke1969: Wife: “If I die first, I want you to remarry.” Me: “Wow. Do you really hate me that much?”
@SirEviscerate: Your date leans in and whispers "I'm not wearing panties." You shiver. She continues: "I pooped a little and had to throw them away."