@PabloGSerski: I put the 'c**k' in 'puts c**k in anything'.
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@notacroc: [date] Her: so you're a mathematician? Me: no actually I'm a *pythagorean doves fly out of my sleeve and hit her in the face* mathemagician
@Izianikapani: "Just dashing to the shops" Woman [showers, washes hair, styles hair, puts on make up, chooses outfit, irons clothes] Man [grabs car keys]
@BobbyAwful: I don't pluck my unibrow to look good, I do it because McDonald's sued me for illegal use of the double arches.