@fillthevacuum: I put the p in pants.
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@TheMichaelRock: Hell hath no fury like a white woman emailing Target after a bad shopping experience.
@iwearaonesie: 9: Have you seen my harmonica? [flashback to me smashing it with a hammer] me: Did you look under your bed?
@marlespo: Twitter: Tell me I'm funny! Instagram: Tell me I'm pretty! Facebook: Tell me I have real friends! Pinterest: Tell me how to knit a condom!