@PaperWash: I quit smoking cold turkey 1 year ago but sometimes I still get the urge to go into fridge and light up a slice
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@Phook75: I'm 89% certain I'm technically still dating at least 3 women from the late 90's early 2000's cause I left for beer and never came back
@spicy_peen: How do people in the movies dig 6-foot deep graves with a shovel? I got tired digging a hole to plant a bush
@tastefactory: Manager: Your fired Me: *You're Manager: How did you know I spelled it wrong if I spoke it out loud Me: How did you know I corrected you
@rocknthepurple: Me: I could tell you, but I'd have to- Him: Kill me? hahaha Me: No, talk to you. And I don't wanna do that.