@CulturedRuffian: I rarely eat kale chips, but when I do-I eat them condescendingly and self-righteously.
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@rickolantern: When my goldfish starts acting like a jerk I remind him that his bowl is microwave-safe
@Pauly_Miller: If you ever doubt the value of writers, just follow your favorite actor on Twitter.
@TheDairylandDon: October's cool because you can buy 60 Snickers, 48 beers, a hockey mask, chainsaw, 30 leaf bags and the cashier won't even acknowledge it.
@thenatewolf: *she hears me singing in the shower* Her: oh he's so cute *she hears a guitar amp click on and feedback ring out* Her: NATE NOOOOOOOOOOOO