@CulturedRuffian: I rarely eat kale chips, but when I do-I eat them condescendingly and self-righteously.
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@mayamanion: I've been listening to the official workout station on Pandora for 3 months and I'm still fat, I'm calling bullshit.
@ktmcburr: "Omg there's a picture of him blowing smoke out of his mouth. I must bang him this instant"- no one, ever.