@amybethlee70: I read an article today about a cat who saved his owner's life. I'm still trying to teach mine not to vomit hairballs on my bed.
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@internetluke: [finds money in jacket] nice [finds more money in pants] Today is my day. On a roll Boss: will you please take my jacket & pants off?
@davidkenny100: Pal: my advice for your date is, make her think you're well travelled, girls love it! Later Me: Guess how many buses it took me to get here
@daplusk: I want to meet someone who enjoys long walks along the beach, so I have enough time to sit at home alone and tweet
@Carbosly: Me blacking out when I'm drunk is God's way of telling me that what I do when I drink is none of my business.