@BiIIMurray: I read that burglars use Twitter & Facebook to see when people arent home. So from now on, Im at home. With a rifle. And a hungry crocodile.
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@girlontapas: People without kids who give other people's kids messy or annoying toys.. Imagine that we gave you a monkey with a kazoo and fingerpaints..
@QwertyJones3: This florist doesn't even know anything about floors, and he's acting like I'm the stupid one!
@frogshack: *finds baby on doorstep* Me: Should...should we keep it? Wife: ...Let's sleep on it Me: (wide-eyed) Christ Deborah that'd kill him