@BiIIMurray: I read that burglars use Twitter & Facebook to see when people arent home. So from now on, Im at home. With a rifle. And a hungry crocodile.
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@zachv86: *speaks at high school graduation* Your 12 year free trial has expired. To continue your education please submit your credit card info.
@heatherlou_: I'm not flirting with you. I'm just nice. Get over yourself. Except you. You get under me.
@living_marble: "Go to hell" is so abstract. "Get trapped in a porta potty for 67 months." Now that's specific. That's possible. That's terrifying.