@FinnMcIver: I really hate it when people repeat something twice when making a point. don't do that guys, don't do that.
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@TheTweetOfGod: The good news is, Tony Abbott says Australia may have spotted two pieces of the plane. The bad news is, Tony Abbott says a lot of things.
@kiel_phillips: ME: Dave's coming over for tea WIFE: Dave from work or Dave I'm having a secret affair with? DAVE: *from inside wardrobe* I don't eat peas
@VerifiedJayy: When a guy tries to talk to me while at a urinal I instantly slide over and start pissing in his urinal too. See how friendly he really is