@dshack8: "I really have no idea how to pronounce my name but I won't admit it."
Guys named Geoff.
@Dawn_M_: [drive thru] I just really need to talk about Buffy the Vampire Slayer and you're the only one awake.
@datassque: white people get red in the winter cause the wind too spicy
@markhoppus: For class, my son had to create his own mythological god. He created Chillux, the god of relaxation, whose house is full of hammocks.
@trojansauce: [as the bride enters the church and heads down the aisle]
ME: *clapping* BRIDE BRIDE BRIDE BRIDE
@KyleMcDowell86: [Bowling Alley]
"I'm sorry sir, but we don't have any bowling shoes left"
*gestures towards a happy family of centipedes bowling*