@dshack8: "I really have no idea how to pronounce my name but I won't admit it."
Guys named Geoff.
@El_nacho_Nigre: I hate to say "I told you so", so Im going to sing it.
@Sean_Burgundy_: All I'm saying is if I were president I would make a law banning women from saying "We need to talk"
@InnocentMarina6: You know why most americans love minions so much? Because they resemble Twinkies..
@Bizarro_Mark: Grocery store just charged me $0.10 to offset the environmental impact of my bag and then gave me a paper receipt 3 feet long.
@shatterpants: I hate when I wake up at night, look at the clock and go right back to sleep. Essentially my body is just waking me up to do math.