@dshack8: "I really have no idea how to pronounce my name but I won't admit it."
Guys named Geoff.
@TheAlexNevil: The expression should be "seeing things eyes to eyes". Otherwise you're suggesting a meeting of the minds between Cyclops
@JB4Realz: [Marriage Counseling]
Wife: He's always messing up even the simplest phrases.
Me: I THOUGHT we were gonna keep that on the download...
@LoveYoorFate: When your coworker tells you they are getting a divorce a high five is not the right answer.
Or so I've been told.
@buck4itt: Don't email me a link to a 6 minute youtube video. I wouldn't watch a video that long if in contained clues to solve my own murder.
@jannable9: I'm not sure who looks more frightened & confused when someone knocks on my door, the dog or me?