@dshack8: "I really have no idea how to pronounce my name but I won't admit it."
Guys named Geoff.
@pleatedjeans: Let the bodies hit the floor? Ok but first let me put down some plastic this is new carpet I don't want to ruin it my mom will be pissed
@DanKCharnley: He died doing what he loved: meeting people on Craigslist to buy furniture.
@Book_Krazy: Therapist: How's your narcissism?
Much better I thin...*sees my ex walking by* [opens window] HOW ARE YOU STILL ALIVE I BROKE UP WITH YOU!"
@brendohare: Don't talk down to me
@Trustedshoe: [me trying to sell my personal information on the dark web]
For a dollar I’ll tell you how much cheese I eat.