@Brianhopecomedy: I really hope it's a typo on your resume where it says you're "goat oriented".
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@WongLipJun: Rules for rap battling Eminem: 1. Do not let Eminem go first. 2. Do not let Eminem go second.
@astutenewf: I wonder if when my dog follows me into the bathroom it's cause I follow him outside when he goes and he thinks that's how it works. Meh.
@caliluvgirl77: 1990- I have three-way calling, we can all talk for hours 2015- don't even leave me a voicemail unless you are dying or I won money
@illTortuga: I just made way too much pasta, so if you haven't eaten dinner yet, swing by and watch me eat way too much pasta.