@kwirkyKerri: "I really regret not taking up bow hunting" I think as my neighbor fires up his chainsaw at first light.
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@kevinseccia: The Flash is lucky because he can run real fast but also because he lives in a world where every problem can be solved by running real fast.
@jwoodham: Some days you're the Titanic, some days you're the iceberg, and some days you're the guy who jumped off and hit a propeller on the way down.
@UncleDuke1969: Me: Damn dog is under the covers again! Wife: No she's not. She's next to the bed. Me: Oh. Wife: ... Me: Might be time to shave your legs.
@Storminika: My boyfriend just sent me a txt: 'I think I want to see other people.' My reply was, 'You better look out the window.'