@kwirkyKerri: "I really regret not taking up bow hunting" I think as my neighbor fires up his chainsaw at first light.
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@cupcakelynda: My hobbies include but are not limited to getting drunk and commenting "LOL" on relationship statuses on Facebook.
@Real_Countress: Let me be clear, I chase no one!!! *5 min later. Chasing the ice cream truck down the street
@JimmerThatisAll: Little does this young woman in the house behind mine who just closed the curtains know that it was the curtains I was looking at.
@smithsara79: Me: *mouth full* These instant mashed potatoes your sister sent us are awful Him: Those are my mom's ashes! Me: *adding salt* That makes more sense