@eskimo_tekillya: I recently bought a corset to spice up my sex life. Once I've learned how to breathe in the damn thing I'll tell you how it worked out.
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@NoticablyBacon: *Meeting GF parents* What are your intentions with our daughter? Uh I need someone to sing the girl parts of Grease songs with me
@EndhooS: 11 y/o Daughter: [opens xmas present] uh..cable ties? Wife: she asked for a pony.. Me: a pony? ..SHE CAN'T EVEN LOOK AFTER HER CABLES LINDA