@AndDesist: I regularly have gold plaques and 1st place ribbons made up for my liver so it knows just how much I appreciate all it's hard work.
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@PeterClayton6: *buys shed at B&Q* B&Q: Are you putting this up yourself? Me: No, it's going in the garden. B&Q: Me: B&Q: I can't help you anymore.
@Parentpains: Sorry I can't attend your Facebook event, I'll be busy throwing myself off a cliff that day.
@Area51eh: Me: Pack your bags.I won the lottery! G/F: Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff? Me: Doesn't matter, just get out.
@DanMentos: *arrives in hell* *Hey Ya starts playing* haha nice love this song *song ends* … *Hey Ya starts playing* wait no