@timdonakowski: I remember when the History Channel actually played MUSIC!
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@DanMentos: "We were trapped in the elevator and had to make a terrible decision" Which was? "We ate Bill" OMG. How long were you in there? “4 minutes"
@KeetPotato: [undoes GFs bra first time] "wow have you been practicing?" don't be ridiculous [me and dog exchange glances]
@zachreinert03: Saw a sticker that said "my son was an honor student". I almost got sad, but then I thought maybe he's not dead, maybe he's just stupid now
@dorsalstream: [kids fighting in the back seat] ME: I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL PULL OVER AND START A PODCAST RIGHT NOW IF YOU 2 DON'T CUT IT OUT.