@WilliamAder: I remember when yoga was called Twister.
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@HomeProbably: It's almost as if they don't know the first rule of carrying rolls of wrapping paper club is; always be prepared for a sword fight, officer.
@djdarrellripley: Ex-Girlfriend: I heard you & your new girlfriend are having problems... Well, you've always got my number. Me: Yes, is it still 666?
@WilliamAder: Someone tweeted today that they were "29-ish" and I didn't know you could "ish" 15 years.
@Michael_Erhart: I'm gonna be a professional farmer when I grow up. I've been wanting to get in that field for years.