@Parkerlawyer: I represented criminals before I switched to divorce law. Not one accused murderer or drug dealer ever scared me more than the soccer mom who just found out her husband is cheating on her with the PTA Vice President.
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@girlontapas: How is it that my kids can never find their own shoes but... Easily find the one ice cream sandwich I hid behind the peas in the freezer.
@Lisabug74: Check out the free section of Craiglist and treat yourself to a little something special.
@thatdutchperson: Just called the bank for my account info and a voice whispered 'If you break the pack in half, Ramen noodles can last you two days.'