@panmidwest: I respect the guy who drives his Blue BMW through the White Castle drive thru. It's like he's saying: "I'm better than you—but not by much."
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@ruinedpicnic: Humans pretend to be smart but we still look at the ceiling when we hear a noise upstairs like we're suddenly gonna have x-ray vision
@MaraWritesStuff: *Weather changes* BODY: This is weird. Must have an asthma attack. *Anything else changes* MIND: This is weird. Must have a panic attack.
@ilovepie84: I can help anyone quit smoking by spraying them with hair spray as they light their cigarette.