@bromanconsul: I ruin friend groups by always suggesting we start a band too early
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@Chumpstring: SON: can I yell bomb at the airport DAD: no SON: I can yell boom DAD: boom's ok SON: how about "my mom's a lesbian now" DAD: please don't
@GreenishDuck: Don't let the door hit you on the way out! *guy looks back and laughs, the door punches him in the back of the head*
@zwina_summer: Nothing makes me scream louder during sex than when my husband calls to let me know he's on his way home from work.