@CulturedRuffian: I ruined my diet to finish the last 5 donuts in the office because my coworkers are on a diet too so yeah, I sacrifice for the people I love
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@drayzze: I'm not superstitious. But if you're wearing a hockey mask and holding a machete I'll be bothered. #FridayThe13th
@nbadag: [to an inflatable tube man waving outside a car dealership] i feel like you're overreacting. these are moderate savings at best
@KingPatrick24: The only difference between the 13yr old me and the 28yr old me is that my kool-aid now contains vodka.
@david8hughes: [1st date] Me: I don't mind admitting I find these fancy menus confusing. What does that say? Her: chicken Me: no, after that Her: nuggets