@CulturedRuffian: I ruined my diet to finish the last 5 donuts in the office because my coworkers are on a diet too so yeah, I sacrifice for the people I love
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@oscarewilde: [Wild West car dealership] cowboy: what kind of car do you sell? dealer: audi cowboy: yeah hi what kind of car do you sell?
@Chumpstring: [prison] PRISONER: what's for breakfast GUARD: every meal is bread & water PRISONER: [is a duck] oh baby
@stephenjmolloy: "Genetically modified food is very much safe for human consumption" the tomato on my plate reassuringly explained to me.
@GlumGeorgeLucas: "Rogue One" idea: The spies anxiously wait to meet their new commander. Boldly - regally - he strides into the room. "Mesa Jar-Jar Binks"