@sarah1mc: I run faster when I hear country music than sirens.
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@omgthatspunny: Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.
@allthatisbecca: I knew I was in trouble when the lady doing my nails shouted "WHO DO YOUR EYEBROW?!"
@Juicedballs: Walk into a pawn shop with a ponytail & a handlebar mustache & they treat you like Ray Liotta walking thru that restaurant in Goodfellas