@sarah1mc: I run faster when I hear country music than sirens.
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@Juicedballs: [house hunting] Loved that one. Great price & the owner seemed trustworthy HER: It was next to a sewage plant & he had three eyepatches on
@KeetPotato: me: "i taught this chimp to say words" chimp: "nice haircut" reporter: "oh my god.. does he know anything else?" me: "sarcasm apparently"
@bibbymoynihan: If you ever see me in a restaurant, please approach my table and do your Drunk Uncle impression. Especially if I'm with family or a girl.