@roggyie: I save money on condoms by not getting laid.
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@Schmoodles: Arguing with religious people is like trying to explain quantum mechanics to a potato.
@HumanPog: one time i slam dunked a basketball so good we were out of school for a week people just needed time to process
@Black__Elvis: My favorite Star Trek episode is that one where Captain Kirk saves the Klingons hundreds of dollars on hotel reservations.
@margolundy: Life dull? Add 'or die trying' to every statement. "I'm gonna pick up milk on the way home OR DIE TRYING." Instant excitement.