@roggyie: I save money on condoms by not getting laid.
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@ceejoyner: Never throw sunglasses in an argument. If they land perfectly on your opponent's face there is no known comeback.
@TheRobCee: [Taylor Swift on toilet, going #2. Kanye jumps out of her shower] "Yo, Taylor- I'm really happy for you & I'm-a let you finish, but..."
@candace_9871: I hope I never have to produce an alibi...cause eating salsa in bed with my cat every night would never hold up in court.