@KentWGraham: I saved a ton of money on cool sports cars, vacation getaways and NFL season tickets by having children.
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@bombsydoll: in high school I was voted 'who is that? does she even go to our school? Never saw her before'
@mostunladylike: [Record Shop] Me: Hi, have you got anything by the Doors? Shopkeeper: No, we have to keep all exits clear in case of emergencies.
@buhsbaby_baby: Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over? Me: Because you saw me eating that cupcake with no hands and you want my autograph?