@ambamthankyamam: I saved my husband's life insurance company 1 million dollars by switching to xanax.
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@samfromks: My wife and I have been dieting together for a week so it'd probably be safer for me to come home smelling like perfume than a Snickers bar.
@AnitaAlibi: My neighbor called my dog fat the other day. Took me two hours to convince my dog that he just had thick fur.
@RubenWriter: The rain is starting to worry me. I'm afraid that because I have a beard that my friends will expect me to build an ark.