@Juicedballs: My wife dared me to yell out "HURRY UP HAYDEN" at Disney World. Now we have 27 blonde boys & 8 girls following us like Children of the Corn.
@Elizasoul80: Person I tried to rob describing me to the police:
"long hair, wearing pajamas, honestly she didn't seem very committed to it."
@RajatSaysItAll: "There are 2 seats. Which one do you want?"
"Right one for me."
"And you?"
"Am I left with any choice?"
@stephenjmolloy: Mugger: Give me your wallet and... is that a Rolex?
Me: It's a fake.
Mugger: What about her diamond ring. Is that fake?
Me: *nervously look at my wife* No, no. That's 100% real...
@daemonic3: In a dog eat dog world, the chocolate lab is the most delicious, yet poisonous of all breeds.
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