@Storminika: I saw a lady at the gym on the exercise bike, wearing a helmet. So I put on a life jacket and got on the treadmill next to her.
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@jimmy_sharpe: Something just came up on my computer asking if I trusted it, and now we're running away to start a new life together.
@praisecheese: "Archeology is just like search and rescue only everyone's been dead for 5,000 years, so there's no rush"
@pattymo: Idea: maybe the police force for a town of 20,000 shouldn't have access to weapons you ordinarily need cheat codes to get
@Sarcasticsapien: Interviewer: Where were you born? Me: Missouri. I: What state are you in now? M: Apathy. I: That's not what I meant. M: I don't care.