@MrT1M: Most computer problems stem from the lack of a fatherboard. No? Ok, I'll show myself out.

@tsm560: Her: About last night, please understand that wasn't me... that was the wine. Me: ... Her: ... Me: Do you have a phone number for that wine?

@Try2StopME: Customer care: Your call is important to us, please hold on. Customer: *completes graduation* *gets a job* *gets married* *gets old* *dies*

@DamienFahey: Just used the holiday card with your kid's face on it to scoop up a dog turd in the living room.

@AJslackie: Feed me once shame on you, Feed me twice i'm moving in.