@Storminika: I saw a lady at the gym on the exercise bike, wearing a helmet. So I put on a life jacket and got on the treadmill next to her.
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@CulturedRuffian: I just want the confidence of my grandpa in church taking a call from the pharmacy on speaker phone to confirm his Viagra prescription.
@JohnLyonTweets: I admit opening an alligator petting zoo was not the best idea, but I told the kids to be careful so there's plenty of blame to go around.
@AnkCoupleTO: I made my will yesterday and had to make my lawyer the beneficiary because my estate will just about cover his bill
@BareChesty: 911: What's your emergency? Me: Hunting accident. I think my friend is dead 911: Can you verify that he's dead? *gunshot* Me: Yep, he's dead