@BurroFuma: I saw an identical tweet of my joke! It was posted months before mine, so he's worse than a tweet thief; he's a time-travelling tweet thief!
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@fro_vo: Wife: we have to get rid of these ants Me: if u don't look at them they disappear Wife: that's ignorant Me: i know the technical term linda
@NicolaJSwinney: Leaflet through the door telling me I can enjoy sex at 75. Which is handy, because I live at number 81.
@hippieswordfish: ME: hah, no way. well, maybe sometimes- or i guess...yes? i don't know, what was the question again INTERVIEWER: are you indecisive