@usermcuserface: I scared 5 and he buzzed while we played operation. He went and told my wife on me. Long story short, I'm sitting in timeout tweeting this.
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@mama_earp: Announced sternly to students today that "only hard things are worth doing!" In other news, I have a bunch of parent emails to respond to.
@WilliamAder: I think Diane knows I was her Secret Santa at this morning's office party, because this afternoon I had to borrow my stapler back from her.
@DirtMcTurd: [Watching "House Hunters"] Jen is a housewife works on her art all day, her husband Tim manages a Taco Bell. Tim: Our budget is $4 million
@david8hughes: Wife: can u unstack the dishwasher? Me opening dishwasher, taking out large knife & cutting my hand off: I can't, there's been an accident.