@usermcuserface: I scared 5 and he buzzed while we played operation. He went and told my wife on me. Long story short, I'm sitting in timeout tweeting this.
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@krautsider: If you ever feel like a complete moron never forget that I managed to text my wife today that she forgot her mobile at home. You're welcome.
@Home_Halfway: People who argue Hillary is crooked; boy have I got news for you on the rest of the government
@kimwilliamz: The worst thing about admitting you're an alcoholic is that people will expect you to stop drinking.