@usermcuserface: I scared 5 and he buzzed while we played operation. He went and told my wife on me. Long story short, I'm sitting in timeout tweeting this.
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@didifalldown: [Robot Uprising] Human: Oh no a robot! What kind are you? Robot: I am a counting machine Human: Oh thank g— Robot: Now killing human #53822
@markhoppus: During the zombie apocalypse I strap my Fitbit to an ever-wandering cadaver to beat all my friends' step counts.